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Sexual Disorientation

Sexual Disorientation is a weekly podcast featuring clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and her co-host Silvia Saige, an adult film star and standup comedian. Each episode, Dr. Ramani and Silvia tackle listener questions and topics from the news about sex, love, relationships, narcissism and every taboo topic in between.
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Mar 18, 2019

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige tackle a grab-bag of listener follow-ups and some tough new questions about leaving the past behind.

Plus, thoughts on the big college cheating scandal!

Listeners have comments on anal play and the pitfalls of staying friends with an ex. Then, a widowed listener was used and abused by a narcissistic boyfriend after her husband passed. She wonders how to learn to trust and love again.

Finally, a young woman has been through a tumultuous few years with her best-friend-turned-girlfriend. Now, their acrimonious breakup has led the ex to threaten suicide. Ramani and Silvia address how (and if!) you can help someone who is in pain, but is trying to drag you down with them.

***

PLEASE NOTE: If you or someone you know has been contemplating suicide, please seek help. There is a better way. If you are in the United States, there are trained professionals with whom you can talk 24/7 at the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) – and you can find a quality therapist in your area at www.samhsa.gov.

***

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Feb 25, 2019

A professor critiques Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige for ignoring lesbian perspectives. Another listener pontificates on the taboo of male anal penetration.

We encourage all listeners to write us with topics or concerns we may be overlooking! Our first e-mail causes us to reflect on the amount of attention we pay to queer relationships. The writer brings up terrific points about shame, romance, online dating and the many non-penetrative options for pleasing a woman.

Then, a listener's e-mail revisits the hot topic of male anal play. She wonders if psychological power dynamics may lead to avoidance. Ramani is skeptical, but Producer Bill chimes in with a personal perspective.

Finally, Silvia offers professional tips for anal sex prep!

***

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Feb 18, 2019

“The love is there, the sex is not.” Dr. Ramani and Silvia Saige tackle hypoactive sex drive and sexual anxiety. Plus: Tips for not getting walked all over!

Dr Ramani reports close to 100% of couples she’s counseled have at least one partner unsatisfied with their sex life. She outlines the bevy of factors that contribute to this disharmony.

Silvia has firsthand experience both withholding sex in a relationship and wanting it when it’s not there. She also has tips from a professional on how to defuse some of the awkwardness of any sexual encounter (even when it’s two experienced sex workers!).

Then, a hot topic among listeners has been frustration over being “door matted.” Ramani and Silvia have some common sense advice about how to be heard, be respected, and be “the bouncer to your own velvet rope.”

***

A NOTE ABOUT SCHEDULE: Dr Ramani has been hard at work finishing her fourth book, due out later this year. Thank you for your patience as the podcast's schedule fluctuates to accommodate this work. The best way to help us stay on track is to tell your friends to subscribe – the more subscribers , the closer we come to lining up sponsors that will allow us to do this show for a living. Thanks for your enthusiasm and your support!

***

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jan 28, 2019

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige devote a full episode to the most jaw-dropping e-mail they've received to date.

A brave and intelligent listener has taken all the right steps, but is still dealing with the fallout of a psychopathic partner. Her story allows Dr Ramani to explore one of our more popular topics – the difference between narcissism and psychopathy.

This listener was widowed in her twenties, when she met the man who would go on to trick her into parenthood, burn down their house, steal their daughter, and get her listed on the FBI terrorism watch list. Silvia and Producer Bill can barely believe the details, while Ramani wrestles with how uncomfortably common this kind of story is.

***

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jan 21, 2019

Dr Ramani and Silvia kick off 2019 with questions about sexual identity, pursuit of “the one that got away,” and how to set boundaries while “volume dating.”

But first: The psychology behind R. Kelly.

Dr Ramani counsels a listener with dueling desires for straight sex and gay romance. We break down the 3 Aspects of Sexual Orientation. Silvia discusses her experience – she identifies as straight, but with caveats. How does she deal with that, both personally and publicly?

Then, a bisexual listener is overcome with fantasies of seducing “the man who got away” from his youth. But his e-mail brings up the specter of Rumination, an aspect of many mental illnesses.

Finally, a listener with open-ended questions about setting boundaries while dating leads the team to ponder hookup culture, "The Bachelor" and online courtship.

***

ATTENTION NEW YORKERS: ATTEND A LIVE Q & A SEMINAR WITH DR RAMANI! "Surviving Narcissism" on Sunday, January 27, 11:30am in the East Village. CLICK HERE for details and tickets, or visit www.doctor-ramani.com.

***

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Dec 17, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige close out 2018 with answers to questions about how to stop BEING a narcissist and what to do when cheating might not be cheating.

The team catches up on holiday plans – and dives into a secret December ritual that only members of the entertainment industry enjoy!

Then, a listener struggles with the sobering realization that she might be a narcissist. What work lies ahead to make her life better? Is it possible to overcome these negative patterns?

Another listener writes in with fears of being doxxed by her cyber-stalker. Ramani and Silvia both share personal stories about encounters with stalkers and bullies.

Finally, a man frustrated by accusations that he's cheating leads to a frank conversation about where "emotional infidelity" begins and ends. And it's probably not what you think.

Happy New Year to our wonderful listeners! Join us in 2019 for even more strategies to live your healthiest, happiest, sexiest life!

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Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Dec 10, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige answer listener questions about empathy vs. sympathy, dealing with a groom's toxic mom, and the questionable power of Tony Robbins.

***

ATTEND A LIVE Q & A SEMINAR WITH DR RAMANI: "Narcissism, Toxic People and The Holidays"! Sunday, December 16, in Santa Monica, CA. CLICK HERE for details and tickets, or visit www.doctor-ramani.com.

***

Narcissism is all about a lack of empathy, but even Silvia is not sure what that exactly means. Dr Ramani lays it out, alongside the important difference between 'reacting' and 'responding.'

Then, the ladies offer strategies for managing a narcissistic mother who's threatening to spoil a wedding! Plus, a deep dive into the power of positive thinking, and why some people should be wary.

Finally, an open-ended question leads to a discussion of "sexual competition" among modern women.

--

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Nov 19, 2018

Silvia Saige is joined by her best friend Wesley Woods, the 2x Gay Porn Star of the Year, to answer e-mails about closets, murder and catfishing.

Dr Ramani is out this week due to an over-stuffed schedule, but Wesley is one of our favorite returning guests!

A gay listener reports narcissistic behavior in his female friend's closeted husband. But the listener has also lived with them for ten years, which raises questions about the nature of this unique relationship.

Then, another listener is horrified by a news story of a college student shot and killed by a boyfriend who was not who he claimed to be. Silvia, Wesley and Producer Bill offer some perhaps counter-intuitive advice for staying safe in the modern dating world.

Finally: Silvia shares the story of the time she was catfished!

--

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Nov 12, 2018

Dr Ramani and Producer Bill tackle one of our toughest (and most common) listener questions: What comes AFTER a trainwreck relationship?

We start with an e-mail from a listener who's one year separated from a narcissistic husband. Dr Ramani calls it as eloquent an explanation as she's ever heard of how narcissists break you down.

Then, Ramani explores all sides of "the aftermath" – regaining your independence, reconciling with family and friends, making new connections, and ultimately getting back into the dating world.

Finally, a listener whose parents let her down when she was sexually abused is trying, 13 years later, to reconcile her need to forgive with the hurt and anger she still feels. Dr Ramani thinks forgiveness may be overrated.

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Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Nov 5, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige list 'best practices' for a listener whose relationship is turning long-distance. Another e-mailer wonders why girls don't discuss porn.

Ramani and Producer Bill recap their first live event, a town-hall-style Q & A on narcissism that proved rewarding and challenging.

Then, talk of long-distance love touches on the obstacle of being in a relationship that "doesn't look like your friends' relationships." Plus, why does proximity play a role in monogamy?

Finally, talk of women watching porn evolves into a 'state of the union' on sex ed in America, and you may not believe what some college students do not know.

--

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with your questions on sex, love, relationships and everything in between: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Oct 22, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige counsel a listener whose father wants a young foreign bride, and another who's considering life with a self-acknowledged narcissist.

***

ATTEND A LIVE Q & A SEMINAR WITH DR RAMANI: "SURVIVING NARCISSISM"! Friday, October 27, at Buckman Studio in Burbank, CA. CLICK HERE for details and tickets, or visit www.doctor-ramani.com.

***

Also this episode: A listener struggles with an abusive mother who turned her brother against her. Dr Ramani explains how the only way to extinguish a dysfunctional fire is to starve it of oxygen.

Silvia wonders about deeper-seated issues behind the father pursuing mail-order brides. That listener also raises the question of managing relationships with a person on the autism spectrum.

Let us know how YOU have dealt with a narcissist in the family, or romance with an autistic partner. Your story can help others. How have you coped or adjusted? Write us, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, at: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Oct 15, 2018

Dr Ramani is out of town, so Silvia and Producer Bill catch up on past questioners, and respond to new e-mails on teen sex symbols and male sexual shame.

Silvia talks about the surprises and not-so-surprises she's encountered on this show. Her explanation for why she feels she and Dr Ramani are a good fit may surprise YOU.

Then, a listener has concerns about "teen idols" like Justin Bieber and Shawn Mendes, leading Silvia and Bill to parse out the difference between media messaging, how those messages are received, and how to prepare kids to receive them.

Finally, a listener has a stirring endorsement for straight male strap-on play, and one of our favorite former questioners checks in with an update about her progress in leaving a controlling, narcissistic boyfriend.

--

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Oct 1, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige explore the sexual politics behind the meaning of "boys being boys." What are the implications of that viewpoint?

Ramani looks at the inherent power imbalances of sex, and how they don't excuse unwanted advances. Silvia chafes at normalizing boys' aggressive behavior, because that means victimizing girls is also "normal."

An expert on childhood abuse (and a former graduate student of Dr Ramani's) reveals the three factors that lead sexual abusers to perpetrate in the first place.

Then, a listener asks tough questions about whether child abusers both underage and adults – can be rehabilitated. Our expert weighs in, and Ramani explains how intra-family abuse can create "a vast storehouse of lies."

An episode full of tough but important topics.

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Sep 24, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige look at the factors behind our varying sexual appetites.

A comprehensive new study reveals that a pharmaceutical cure for "female impotence" does not exist. Dr Ramani explains the results. She and Silvia offer solutions for building a healthy sex drive, which leads to discussions of "sexual peak," sex toys, shame, and the differences between male and female arousal.

A listener finds herself in a relationship where the difference in their sex drives sabotages her happiness. Ramani and Silvia wonder: Is she uninterested in all sexual activity, sex with any partner, or sex with her specific partner?

Then, a virgin male listener struggles with his low desire for sex vs. his intense desire to masturbate to porn, raising again the spectre of dehumanized sex and incels. Hear Silvia talk about what it means to be a sexual commodity in an over-sexed age.

IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING with what you feel is a low sex drive, ALWAYS consult your physician first. They can refer you to appropriate specialists, be they therapists or internists, and will screen out more serious physical conditions that might be affecting your libido.

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Sep 17, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige advise listeners in opposite scenarios - one desperate to leave, one hoping to stay. So how are their situations almost identical?

The first listener lost his first real relationship to his partner’s grief and alcoholism. He wants to know how their love can survive the recovery process. Silvia points out some red flags he may be ignoring, and Ramani unpacks the complicated dynamic between alcoholism, grief, and deeper dysfunction.

Then, a listener who has stayed with a borderline abusive partner for financial support analyzes her own situation beautifully. Ramani and Silvia talk about how to build the strength, resources and plan to actually leave, even when family and friends may not be there for you.

It’s a look at narcissistic partners from both sides of the equation - wanting to stay and wanting to go.

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Sep 10, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige are off this week, but new listeners might appreciate this look back on their first episode together.

THIS EPISODE WAS RELEASED ALMOST EXACTLY A YEAR AGO, ON SEPTEMBER 5, 2017. Learn more about Silvia and hear the ladies' on-air chemistry spark for the first time.

If you're new to the podcast, Sexual Disorientation was originally conceived to have rotating guests sit with Dr Ramani on an episode-by-episode basis. But we liked comedian/adult film star Silvia Saige so much, we asked her to stay! We know you'll agree it's proved to be an exceptional decision.

We encourage all listeners to write us, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, with questions, comments and opinions at: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist, a Professor of Psychology, and the nation's leading expert on narcissism.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Sep 3, 2018

A listener has spent 7 years trying to get over a breakup. Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige talk loneliness – Is it normal? Harmful? How do you break the cycle?

Let us know how YOU have dealt with heartbreak or loneliness. Your story can help others. What held you back? What thoughts or actions helped you move forward, if any? Write us, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, at: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com 

Dr Ramani defines the boundary between grieving a relationship's end and experiencing dangerous depression. She explores what depression actually is, and how it's treated, especially for those who think therapy can't help.

Silvia and Producer Bill share their own anecdotes about finding the right therapist.

Finally, Ramani explains how the fear of being alone can insidiously erode your health and well-being. But rejecting companionship is no solution either...

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Aug 20, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige answer your questions about men's shifting place in society – like whether or not to think of them as poop-flinging primates.

Alpha male dominance is seen across many mammal species. One listener questions how men (and women!) can ignore these deep seated instincts. Ramani and Silvia incisively break down why nature provides zero justification for alpha behavior – in fact, nature may actively demonstrate its failings, as Dr. Robert Sapolsky discovered.

But first, a listener struggles with her expectations for quality communication from her partner, and another woman wonders whether her lover's social media obsession means he's a narcissist.

A perfect podcast for the "old-fashioned alpha male" in your life – even if that's you.

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Aug 13, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige respond to listener feedback from our 'Childhood Abuse' show (ep. 29), which turns into a deep dive on narcissism.

First, though, Frasier's crotch ink is in the news, and Ramani and Silvia can't find a POV from which it looks good – literally or metaphorically.

Then, listeners posit a link between childhood trauma and adult narcissism. Can they be co-incident? And if so, is there a middle ground between compassion and protecting yourself? One letter raises the complicated spectre of "communal narcissism," which insulates abusive homes from public scrutiny.

Finally, a listener wants to know how the children of narcissists can best avoid relationships with narcissists. Ramani drops a bomb: "What you call 'boredom' may just be 'health'."

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Aug 6, 2018

Chrissy Teigen inspires Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige to praise a bit of jealousy. But they CAN’T abide the guilt women suffer for not having kids.

Silvia admits she’s quick to be jealous! Ramani explains how jealousy is unavoidable, but negative reactions to it need not be. Silvia shares the hard-won wisdom that there are never 3 positive reactions in a threesome.

Then, Dr Ramani wants to talk about Jennifer Aniston. Specifically the recurring scrutiny Jen faces for not "settling down" and having kids. Ramani makes some personal confessions about the hardships of motherhood.

Silvia frames the debate as Jennifer Aniston vs. Oprah. Two successful, independent, famous women: Why is one scrutinized for never having kids, while the other is not? There's a ton to unpack here.

--

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jul 30, 2018

Silvia shares a very personal story. Dr Ramani helps unpack it, and looks at how survivors, their loved ones, and even perpetrators can best process childhood trauma.

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NOTE TO LISTENERS: No matter the severity or the statute of limitations, if you believe a minor has been assaulted, please contact your local DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL SERVICES. Google "Social Services," "DCFS" or "Department Child and Family Services," or get in touch with a local doctor, teacher or police officer, all of whom are legally required to file such a report.

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Tragic circumstances forced Silvia to reveal a childhood secret to her mother, and neither is sure how to handle it. Ramani talks about the complicated guilt parents feel when a child suffers, and also whether the survivor is obligated to speak up.

Dr Ramani and Silvia give wide-ranging advice about the importance of sharing traumatic experiences, what parents can do to make kids feel safe in a worst-case scenario, and how parents can watch for warning signs that their child is being abused OR is becoming an ABUSER.

It's a heavy topic but well worth your time.

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Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write the show, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jul 23, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige explore "the chase," and the growing narrative that men wooing women are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

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HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN EXPERIENCE WITH A SUITOR WHO WOULD NOT GIVE UP? Someone who felt wronged when you turned them down? Someone who pushed "the chase" too far? Or maybe it turned out they were actually "the one"? We want to discuss your story. Write us, ALWAYS ANONYMOUS, at: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

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In a wide-ranging discussion, Ramani finds parallels between the "alpha" men at the top of society and the self-professed "beta" men on the bottom. Might they be on the same side of a spectrum? If so, what's on the other side?

Silvia has first-hand experience with how incels attack, and how "giving someone a shot" because you're trying to be nice can backfire.

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Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

 

Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jul 16, 2018

Dr Ramani and Silvia Saige discuss the recent boom in celebrity shotgun engagements. Then, they unpack the public reaction to a Bachelorette contestant's "virginity outing."

Ramani finds hope in the way fans are processing these sprints to the altar. She highlights the inherent gap between a celebrity marriage and a normal marriage. Silvia talks about the small town culture of using engagement to "claim" a person, which reflects backward ideas about marriage that persist across cultures.

Then, should "what's wrong with this guy?" really be the question when an attractive, well-balanced man in his mid-20s is revealed as a virgin?

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If virginity has you vexed, or you're dying to hear funny stories that remind you of your own awkward first time, check out the Bail Bonds Media podcast V-CARDED. Hosted by the lovely Erin Darling, every episode is a hilarious deep dive interview about when, why and how the guest "swiped their V-Card."

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write us with your questions: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

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Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jul 9, 2018

Silvia Saige will soon be the first woman featured on Men.com, a gay male porn site. She and Dr. Ramani brace for a backlash. Then, they offer do's and don'ts for summer romance!

Silvia explains how bi scenes with gay performers are still taboo in the porn business, raising bigger questions about the line between "sexual identity" and "who you have sex with." They consider the political undertones of straight sexuality encroaching on a safe space for gay men, even as Dr. Ramani struggles with the de-legitimization of bisexual identity across all of culture.

Then, Ramani explains why summer is traditionally the "dry season" for relationship therapists, but that doesn't mean everyone avoids relationship drama. We break down how to have a successful fling

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write us with your questions: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

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Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

Jun 11, 2018

Dr Ramani just joined Megyn Kelly to talk about cheating on the Today Show. This is the much more in-depth guide, with co-host and adult film star Silvia Saige.

Silvia opens up about dating in the porn industry. Dr Ramani dives into who's better at cheating: Men or women? They look at the thin line between polyamory and infidelity, and try to get at the heart of what leads someone to stray. Is it ever justified or healthy?

Plus, they examine the new frontiers of infidelity: Dr Ramani has seen cheating skyrocket among people over 55, while Silvia has been starring in interactive VR porn that's getting closer and closer to mimicking the real thing. Wild stuff.

Dr Ramani Durvasula (@doctorramani) is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology.

Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx, @silviasaigesex) is an adult film actress and standup comedian.

Write us with your questions: sexualdisorientation@gmail.com

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Get Dr. Ramani's book Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist now in paperback!

Please subscribe to Sexual Disorientation on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher, Google Play, or any podcast app!

Follow Bail Bonds Media on Instagram for behind-the-scenes looks and other great content.

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